My father’s pet name for me was Freddy Fuck Up. Not exactly a nurturing nickname, but one I internalized, seeing myself as incompetent, unworthy and destined to fail. My inner dialogue mirrored his words, and I became my harshest critic. For years this rigidly self-negative mindset overwhelmed all my attempts at success. But I’ve learned that our beliefs about ourselves-our inner dialogue-can either propel us forward or hold us back. Mindset truly is everything.

Learning to Think About How You Think

Here’s the critical question: Are you able to think about how you think? Our thoughts drive our ability to succeed. A negative mindset, as I learned firsthand, creates obstacles that feel insurmountable. Take a moment to reflect: How do you think about yourself? How do you approach challenges? Are you able to face them head-on or do you feel overwhelmed and defeated?  How do you manage challenging situations? The answers to these questions reveal whether your mindset is helping you overcome obstacles-or holding you back.

Thoughts Aren’t Facts

In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), it’s understood that we may have “cognitive distortions” that warp our perceptions. Thoughts such as “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll never succeed” hold us back. I lived with these distortions for years. When I started to challenge them, I started to tap into my potential. CBT helped me understand that negative thought patterns weren’t facts, they were beliefs I could challenge and change.

 Finding Solutions

 Things improved when I entered recovery. One of the first lessons I learned was: Problems must be faced, and solutions applied. “Failure” isn’t a permanent state—it’s just data. It’s feedback. It must be seen as temporary. If I wasn’t getting the outcome I wanted, I began to ask myself, what do I need to change to succeed? This mindset shift was an opportunity to constructively critique myself—not to self-lacerate or relive that old inner dialogue of “I suck, I should just give up”—but to take an honest, clear-eyed view of myself and determine next steps.

 I was in my middle fifties when starting out as a master’s boxer. This is an amateur division for men age thirty-five and up. As I prepared to fight, I often sparred with opponents who were younger and more experienced than I was. Time and again, I left the ring feeling dispirited and battered. My inner dialogue would kick in: “Maybe I’m just not good enough. Maybe I should just quit.” This negative narrative harkened back to an earlier version of myself—the one who quit at the first obstacle, the one who never felt good enough. But this time, I chose to push back against that negativity.

Learning to be Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable

 I reminded myself that without experience and repetition, no one is good at anything. I’d read that you should get 300 rounds of sparring before your first fight, so I decided to set my compass to that one goal: get my 300 rounds in! I asked my coaches and sparring partners for feedback. I became more intentional in my practice and pushed myself to understand that youth and experience provided my opponents with an advantage—but that didn’t mean I couldn’t improve. I worked to get comfortable with the discomfort of fighting.

 Boxing as a Metaphor for Life

 Some rounds were grueling. A bloody lip here, a bloody nose there, the searing drop-you-to-your knees agony of a liver shot. I’d stagger out of the ring, my body aching and my mind filled with doubt.  But, as the rounds piled up, I started to improve, becoming more confident and technically sound. My movements in the ring became more fluid, I defended better. Confidence replaced self-doubt. I entered my first tournament and won both fights. I finished my career with a record of 4 wins and one loss. Because of boxing, my self-esteem and confidence took a quantum leap.

 The Importance of Self-Encouragement

 My boxing journey didn’t just teach me how to defend myself in the ring-it taught me to defend myself against my own inner critic. Through boxing, I learned the power of self-encouragement, a lesson that has carried over to every area of my life. Self-encouragement is a huge and necessary asset to achieving success.

 This practice of self-encouragement became a foundation for how I managed setbacks in other areas of my life. At the end of each day, as I lie in bed, I reflect and ask myself: How did I show up today in the roles I play? Was I a good husband? A good friend? Did I work hard and bring value to my clients? Did I have a successful workout? If I had a bad day in any particular area, I don’t dwell on it. Instead, I ask myself, what can I do better tomorrow? Then, I let go of the day that has passed—because it’s gone. I can’t change it.

 Goodbye Freddy Fuck Up

 Freddy Fuck Up no longer plagues my thinking. Every morning, I set a fresh intention for the day. I ask myself: What do I want to accomplish today? I strategize how I will achieve those goals and vow to show up, work to the best of my abilities, and make progress. Some days, I move forward only a little. Other days, I make significant strides. I am a more confident and happier person every day.